Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
