I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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