piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
