I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
