you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
