So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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