Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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