Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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