I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Less talking, more tequila
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
