Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
