lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
