I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
