Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
