I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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