I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
