a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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