Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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