I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
