My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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