I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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