I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
