Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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