just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
