Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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