I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
