i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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