we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
