i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
