your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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