were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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