she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
