Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
