i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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