we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
