Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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