Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
