woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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