just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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