my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
