omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
