Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
