all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
