Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
