Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
