You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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