Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
