I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
