actually, I'm a sock model
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
