i think i have two assholes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
