I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
