Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
