My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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