so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
